Thursday, September 15, 2011

On Marriage: Guest Blogger

Here at TC30s, we are inspired by every age and would like to inspire every age.

Today we are so happy to present you Elizabeth the twenty-five years old mother of two, the young lady behind YUMMommy.We love her posts on how to a successful marriage and lifestyle. So imagine our joy when she accepted to write something for TC30s on topic dear to our hearts: Marriage.

I personally believe everyone one, married or not, should read this post. Invite your friends to come and read because it is something we might unconsciously experience.


Today Elizabeth is here to talk about
Identity Crisis

There’s nothing like spending quality time with your spouse or significant other. You know...watching movies together on the couch or walks at the park. While doing things with the
love of your life is great, you want to make sure that you still maintain your own identity. As women we tend to make abandon our own identities and adopt our spouse’s. Thus, we end up developing an identity crisis.

This is a subject I can relate to all too well. I met my husband the second semester of my freshman year in college. He was so refreshing and different from any other guy I had hung out with. We immediately starting spending a lot of time together. In fact, the only days we really didn’t spend time together was when I had class.

My best friends began notice that they were seeing less and less of me. Which was true. They would see me on the days we had class. (We were all fashion majors, except one.) On those days, I’d catch up with them over lunch and dinner in the cafe. But I quickly noticed that they started inviting me to hang out less and less. I didn’t take it personal though because I chalked it up to them thinking that I was with my new boyfriend.

The summer came and school was over. I had decided that I didn’t want to spend the summer at home when all of my friends would be here in the city. I thought we’d be hanging out around the pool, shopping and hitting up parties. Instead, I ended up moving in with my boyfriend (now my husband) and barely saw my friends. Again, I convinced myself that it was ok.

Our token male bff had gone back home and the rest were either working full-time or had booed up like I had. We ran into each other once or twice the whole summer but often kept in touch with Facebook or texting. Thank goodness for technology. I spent my summer bonding and getting to know my boyfriend better as I called it. I never ventured out on my own. We were joined at the hip so to speak.

Fast forward to almost 12 months and it hit me that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew who my boyfriend was and who we were as a couple. But when it came to myself as an individual I was totally lost. I had started working thanks to my required externship for school. The company liked me so much they kept me on.

My life had some how become just about work, going to class and spending every other moment in between with my boyfriend who had become my fiance at this point. I think the wedding planning made realize that I was still an individual. I had my own hobbies. I used to enjoy spending time by myself. And more importantly, I used to make time for my friends.

I had to change that quick. First, I started back up with my hobbies. I’m big crafter and decided to get back in touch with crafting side. So, I would drag my fiance to the craft stores with me hunting down yarn and other DIY projects. Eventually, I stopped asking him to tag along all the time because to be honest I enjoyed looking for hours without hearing “Can we go yet?”

I was finding me again. I loved it. If I had to give a piece advice to any young girl or woman entering a relationship it would be to remember and continue to be who your are. Keep your identity.

Enjoy the me time. Don’t give up those shopping trips and spa dates with your girlfriends. And develop hobbies that you can do minus your significant other or anyone else for that matter. Join a social group. Being in a relationship or marriage does require some sacrifice but your identity doesn’t have to be one of them.


Thank you again Elizabeth for this post. Ladies don't forget to say hello to her at YUMMommy!

Question: Have you ever felt like you've lost your identity in a relationship? How do you keep your identity alive in a relationship?

Please share on TC30s.


Anonymous said...

I love this post! Yes, my identity was lost for a bit but I'm back on track......well at least a lot better. :)
I think to keep your identity remember the things that really made you unique. What is your style, likes, etc.? Write them down if you have to and review it weekly to see if you are still living in a way that makes you unique.
I follow YUMMommy and she does share great info with others. Great post!

Mrs. Pancakes said...

This is great Elizabeth! I have been lucky that i have been able to keep my identity since we've been together. He is always encouraging me to be who i am and for this i am thankful. i am not sure as we grow our marriage and have children...if it will be a challenge but i will remember this post! Awesome advice Elizabeth!

YUMMommy said...

Thanks for the comments ladies!!

toi said...

I really enjoyed reading this post. Losing your identity for follow is so easy, but I am lucky to say that I've always known who I am and what I like so I try to stay true to myself and hubby always like that.

True love have to love tou for who you are :).

Newlymeds said...

Great article! So important to remember!

Faith said...

it is so true! as much as i love being with hubby, i have realized that i can't get so lost into our relationship that i forget all the other things in life that i also enjoy. thank you for sharing! loved reading this post!

Cam - Bibs & Baubles said...

This is so true. I went through that in my relationship as well. I remember having to check myself and leave my husband behind every now and then. Great reminder.