On Marriage: Guest Blogger

Here at TC30s, we are inspired by every age and would like to inspire every age.

Today we are so happy to present you Elizabeth the twenty-five years old mother of two, the young lady behind YUMMommy.We love her posts on how to a successful marriage and lifestyle. So imagine our joy when she accepted to write something for TC30s on topic dear to our hearts: Marriage.

I personally believe everyone one, married or not, should read this post. Invite your friends to come and read because it is something we might unconsciously experience.

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Today Elizabeth is here to talk about Identity Crisis

There’s nothing like spending quality time with your spouse or significant other. You know...watching movies together on the couch or walks at the park. While doing things with the
love of your life is great, you want to make sure that you still maintain your own identity. As women we tend to make abandon our own identities and adopt our spouse’s. Thus, we end up developing an identity crisis.

This is a subject I can relate to all too well. I met my husband the second semester of my freshman year in college. He was so refreshing and different from any other guy I had hung out with. We immediately starting spending a lot of time together. In fact, the only days we really didn’t spend time together was when I had class.

My best friends began notice that they were seeing less and less of me. Which was true. They would see me on the days we had class. (We were all fashion majors, except one.) On those days, I’d catch up with them over lunch and dinner in the cafe. But I quickly noticed that they started inviting me to hang out less and less. I didn’t take it personal though because I chalked it up to them thinking that I was with my new boyfriend.

The summer came and school was over. I had decided that I didn’t want to spend the summer at home when all of my friends would be here in the city. I thought we’d be hanging out around the pool, shopping and hitting up parties. Instead, I ended up moving in with my boyfriend (now my husband) and barely saw my friends. Again, I convinced myself that it was ok.

Our token male bff had gone back home and the rest were either working full-time or had booed up like I had. We ran into each other once or twice the whole summer but often kept in touch with Facebook or texting. Thank goodness for technology. I spent my summer bonding and getting to know my boyfriend better as I called it. I never ventured out on my own. We were joined at the hip so to speak.

Fast forward to almost 12 months and it hit me that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I knew who my boyfriend was and who we were as a couple. But when it came to myself as an individual I was totally lost. I had started working thanks to my required externship for school. The company liked me so much they kept me on.

My life had some how become just about work, going to class and spending every other moment in between with my boyfriend who had become my fiance at this point. I think the wedding planning made realize that I was still an individual. I had my own hobbies. I used to enjoy spending time by myself. And more importantly, I used to make time for my friends.

I had to change that quick. First, I started back up with my hobbies. I’m big crafter and decided to get back in touch with crafting side. So, I would drag my fiance to the craft stores with me hunting down yarn and other DIY projects. Eventually, I stopped asking him to tag along all the time because to be honest I enjoyed looking for hours without hearing “Can we go yet?”

I was finding me again. I loved it. If I had to give a piece advice to any young girl or woman entering a relationship it would be to remember and continue to be who your are. Keep your identity.

Enjoy the me time. Don’t give up those shopping trips and spa dates with your girlfriends. And develop hobbies that you can do minus your significant other or anyone else for that matter. Join a social group. Being in a relationship or marriage does require some sacrifice but your identity doesn’t have to be one of them.

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Thank you again Elizabeth for this post. Ladies don't forget to say hello to her at YUMMommy!

Question: Have you ever felt like you've lost your identity in a relationship? How do you keep your identity alive in a relationship?

Please share on TC30s.

On Marriage: Good Sex Before or After 30s?

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We are all adult here, right?

Good :)!... then let's talk about SEX!

When my sister was younger, my other sisters and I (who were older by two/three years) would tease her saying: "We will share secrets about making whoopee when you are much older!"

What were these sex secrets that I would not share with her when she was in her early twenties? (now she is almost 30 :). Thinking about when she will come and ask me these secrets lead me to this post! After all it is about confessions in our 30somethings, right?

As I have matured and finally met my husband-to-be, I definitely believe sex has gotten much better. Making whoppee has gone from just a physical act to a level of intimacy that I have never felt before. Have you ever cried during sex (for good reasons?) I am referring to that level of intensity of intimacy!

Then recently one of my girlfiends asked me:"How do you have good sex?""{she has not had a lot of good sex in her adult life}

I am not an expert on sex but I am definitely an expert on my own sex life! (I don't speak a lot about that but once in a while, girls can talk without ever putting our significant others in any embarrassing or compromising situations ;)!

The answer to this question prompted me to think about my own sex life from my twenties and now in my thirties. In my twenties, I was more worried about being loved by my partner. I did not focus on intimacy and sharing love making with the person I was with. I wanted to please, instead of pleasing each other.

Therefore, for me, it is not necessarily about whether sex became better in my 30something, it is about becoming comfortable with oneself as a woman and accepting your sexuality. But most importantly sex/making or whoppee/love become even more fun because one meets the right person who attracte you and makes you feel sexy beyond words!

I met the man who gives me all this and we enjoy each other's company, that translates into how intimate we are with one another in the bedroom.

So, TC30s ladies out there...what are you thinking:

1) When did you manage to achieve the deeper intimacy with your partner?

2) Is making whoppee better in your 30s or you managed to get to that intimacy in your 20s?

3) What has made it better for you?

Please, confess something that makes you feel comfortable!

On Marriage: Guest Blogger

I am sure you know today's guest blogger, the fun-tastic Faith. If you don't know her, you must check her out on Life.Love&Marriage. Everyone who stops by Faith's blog will not turn back without a smile. She is warm and even through a computer screen you want to hug her and see her smile. In my opinion she has the most bright and adoring smile on the blog-sphere!

We love to read her insight on relationship and everything else she writes on her blog is a hit! We were pleased, *{understatement}*, we were ECSTATIC when she accepted to write something on marriage to share with readers of TC30s.

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Today she is here to tell us about The Importance of Date Nights in Our Marriages.

It is extremely easy to get wrapped up in our daily lives, especially in this day and age when there are just so many distractions. It is so easy to complain about how busy we are that sometimes we forget to make time for the most important people in our lives. I’ve heard people who have said that they have woken up one day and they have no idea who their spouse is. It is like the time whizzed on by and you were left with a stranger who you happened to marry years ago.

That scenario is one of the reasons why I believe that date nights are important. So important that we have designated a night or day each week to forget about how busy we are and wrap ourselves in that one person.

It can be a simple night in with the surprise of a candlelight dinner. Or a night out to a movie dressed in pajamas. A night where you go out dancing and the two of you move as one to the beat of the drum. Or a night spent on the couch cuddling, watching movies and eating ice cream. Or a day spent at a park having a romantic picnic.

Whatever the date consists of, the only thing that is truly important is taking the time out of the day to talk to your significant other about any and everything. A time to ask questions, to answer questions, to laugh out loud and flirt. A time to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

I believe that it takes work to keep the spark alive. It takes work to keep a happy marriage. Date nights are just one of the ways to help remember why you feel butterflies and why just the thought of that person leaves you breathless and flustered with desire. Date nights ensure that you do not become distant, that regardless of children, careers or busy schedules, you take time out of the week where it is only about the two of you. A night or day to remember how the love started.

Date nights with the hubby are always anticipated. I look forward to Fridays every week because I know that it is when no one else exists but him and I. There are no distractions such as the internet or the phone. Those beloved hours are only about us.

I encourage you to have a date night weekly. In this economy, research your area for fun things to do with your significant other for free. I know that this summer there were free concerts, festivals, fairs, etc, which cost us nothing. You do not have to spend money to have date nights. I repeat, you do not have to spend money to have date nights so make sure that is never an excuse as to why you don’t have date nights.

I’ll end this blog post with one of my favorite quotes:
“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday."

Marriage isn’t easy but it is up to you to ensure that the love for your spouse grows with each passing day. Choose to love your spouse, choose to have date nights, choose to spend time with each other, choose to laugh with each other, choose to flirt, choose to have hot sex, and choose to be the person you would want to be with. Never be the person to say, we just fell out of love. Make those words impossible to utter.

Date nights won’t fix everything but it surely is the step in the right direction.

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Thank you again Faith. Ladies don't forget to say hello to her at Life.Love&Marriage

Question: What do you do to keep the spark alive in your marriage?

On Marriage! Guest Blogger

When we first came across Becks and the City, we had to feature her on TC30s.  I mean her blog and life is filled with complete awesomeness!  Becks is a self-proclaimed aspiring Carrie Bradshaw quest to become a published writer and honestly she is already there.  She has been published in Cosmopolitan and Women's Fitness...seriously, Becks is (not going) but already in places!  And she looks much cuter than Carrie if you ask me!

Becks brings her awesome writing and keen perception on relationships with of course, Sex and the City flare! Definitely an interesting, thoughtful and fun read!

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Carrie Bradshaw Wonders... How to Rescue a Relationship?

I must admit I'm not, in fact, Carrie Bradshaw, but I do want to become her. I own an avalanche of "Sex and the City" memorabilia, I've taken 2011 off from my day job to launch a magazine writing career and my blog, Becks and the City (http://www.becks-carrie.blogspot.com/) and I have more than a passing interest in shoes. Endless analysis of relationships is also second nature to me and recently, I've become obsessed with a certain topic...

In all Carrie's sermonizing on love and sex through all the episodes, I don't remember any concrete advice on how a couple can work a relationship back from the brink.

I've seen fairytale relationships that have stood the test of time (other people's parents, not mine), I've seen break-ups, I've seen flings, but where are the couples that have reached the point of wanting to separate, considered couples counselling to stop the endless bickering, and have resurrected a dying relationship?

Of course, everyone has their deal-breakers, where no matter what, they won't patch things up when a partner crosses the line. Fair enough that those who cheat or physically hurt you don't deserve a second chance. In the absence of any serious wrong-doing, though, relationships at breaking point can surely still be saved. How do you do it?

The reason I ask is that several couples in our group of friends are in this situation and I don't know how to help them. I've experienced it before, with a partner of nine years and we ended it. It couldn't be salvaged. I recognise the same signs in my friends' relationships -- cruel barbs about each other at dinner parties, increasingly divergent interests and circles of friends, overreacting to harmless comments your partner makes because you no longer trust each other...

One theory I've come up with is that if you fix the sex, everything else follows.

It forms the basis of intimacy and trust in couples, so I think there's something to it. Difficult to discuss with people, though, and even more difficult to test this theory. Hey, p*ssed off couples, how do you fancy being part of a sex experiment? Yeah, that'll work. Hey, if you have any better ideas, be sure to pass them on.

I'm still, like Carrie, searching for all the answers in the realm of love.

I can't help but wonder... how do you live happily ever after without disaster?

An aspiring Carrie Bradshaw's quest to become a published writer...

"Becks and the City" blog:http://www.becks-carrie.blogspot.com/
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Thanks Becks and ladies, confess to her question?