Thursday, August 11, 2011

On Marriage! Guest Blogger

When we first came across Becks and the City, we had to feature her on TC30s.  I mean her blog and life is filled with complete awesomeness!  Becks is a self-proclaimed aspiring Carrie Bradshaw quest to become a published writer and honestly she is already there.  She has been published in Cosmopolitan and Women's Fitness...seriously, Becks is (not going) but already in places!  And she looks much cuter than Carrie if you ask me!

Becks brings her awesome writing and keen perception on relationships with of course, Sex and the City flare! Definitely an interesting, thoughtful and fun read!


Carrie Bradshaw Wonders... How to Rescue a Relationship?

I must admit I'm not, in fact, Carrie Bradshaw, but I do want to become her. I own an avalanche of "Sex and the City" memorabilia, I've taken 2011 off from my day job to launch a magazine writing career and my blog, Becks and the City ( and I have more than a passing interest in shoes. Endless analysis of relationships is also second nature to me and recently, I've become obsessed with a certain topic...

In all Carrie's sermonizing on love and sex through all the episodes, I don't remember any concrete advice on how a couple can work a relationship back from the brink.

I've seen fairytale relationships that have stood the test of time (other people's parents, not mine), I've seen break-ups, I've seen flings, but where are the couples that have reached the point of wanting to separate, considered couples counselling to stop the endless bickering, and have resurrected a dying relationship?

Of course, everyone has their deal-breakers, where no matter what, they won't patch things up when a partner crosses the line. Fair enough that those who cheat or physically hurt you don't deserve a second chance. In the absence of any serious wrong-doing, though, relationships at breaking point can surely still be saved. How do you do it?

The reason I ask is that several couples in our group of friends are in this situation and I don't know how to help them. I've experienced it before, with a partner of nine years and we ended it. It couldn't be salvaged. I recognise the same signs in my friends' relationships -- cruel barbs about each other at dinner parties, increasingly divergent interests and circles of friends, overreacting to harmless comments your partner makes because you no longer trust each other...

One theory I've come up with is that if you fix the sex, everything else follows.

It forms the basis of intimacy and trust in couples, so I think there's something to it. Difficult to discuss with people, though, and even more difficult to test this theory. Hey, p*ssed off couples, how do you fancy being part of a sex experiment? Yeah, that'll work. Hey, if you have any better ideas, be sure to pass them on.

I'm still, like Carrie, searching for all the answers in the realm of love.

I can't help but wonder... how do you live happily ever after without disaster?

An aspiring Carrie Bradshaw's quest to become a published writer...

"Becks and the City" blog:

Thanks Becks and ladies, confess to her question?


Optimistic Mom said...

I have been married for 9 years and I do think that sex is a big part of it, especially for men. For women it is more emotional connections. I think it is important for both people to communicate openly, which includes listening. Great topic here! Thanks.

toi said...

What a great guest post.

I've been married for 6 years and until the last breath I don’t think I can convincingly answer your question. But I can try.

I don’t think sex plays a great deal when it comes to how to live happily ever after without disaster. There is always disaster out there. This comes in the form of people wanting to steal your partner – the easy way is to seduce, leading your partner into a fantasy of sexual liberation. I believe that if your partner doesn’t feel the passion from your part is easy to give into such temptation. Sex without passion can become mechanic.

So, passion is one element which helps – because it then leads into a beautiful, fulfilled love making (sex), something you can both appreciate. Respecting one another, having an open communication and believing in similar notion of what means to love someone.

Having around friends who don’t want your marriage to wreck but who are welcome to encourage you to overcome all the adversities.

Looking up to people who have a loving-strong marriage/relationship encourages couples to work at their own marriage striving to achieve a healthy, happy ever after.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Communication is definitely key in any great relationship because i think that impacts all the other areas including sex! great post. thank you Becks!

LaVonne @ Long Wait said...

Communication. Also, I think that my marriage would not have lasted almost 12 years if we were not believers in God. I like what Gary Smalley says too, "Love is an action. A choice. It is not a 'feeling'."

I am visiting from You Like Me Friday blog hop. I hope you have a great weekend!

LaVonne @ Long Wait For Isabella

TC30s said...

Becks article is definitely a conversation piece! Allows us to think about our relationships and how we can make it better!


I am so happy that you guys enjoyed this post. It's something I've been thinking about for a while.

I think you've hit on something, Toi. Sex without passion doesn't mean much. It's about concentrating on maintaining the passion and fun in your relationship. Your partner definitely appreciates it when you make an effort.


Faith said...

i think communication and not taken each other for granted is key ... also keeping the spark alive anyway you can plays a huge part! i love getting all dolled up even when we are going somewhere as simple as grocery shopping when we go together... why not, hehe. awesome post!


Faith, I love your style!!

I am all for getting dolled up every chance you get, especially for my burlesque classes -- it's hairpieces and fishnets territory there. It's great to sneak it into everyday activities too.